12 Weeks

NOTE: EVEN THOUGH I PUT SPACED IN BETWEEN MY PARAGRAPHS WHILE I WAS TYPING, IT PUBLISHED AS ONE BIG BLOCK OF WORDS. I'M NOT SURE WHAT IS GOING ON, AND I WILL SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT, BUT FOR NOW, YOU GET TO READ A HUGE BLOCK OF WORDS....SORRY. Well folks, here I am, blogging twice in one week!! I am on a roll! First of all, thank you for the sweet comments about my Grandpa. They really meant a lot. I realized that while I announced our little Grubb, I didn't really give many details at all. So here I am to share some details. We are officially 12 weeks along today! Phew - these past few weeks (that we have known about the Grubb) have been a little bit stressful because of the high rate of miscarriage in the first trimester. I now feel like I can take a breath and feel confident that my baby is in there for good! Talk about a wonderful feeling!! Here's the scoop on how I have been feeling: Exhausted!!!! It's like I can't get enough rest. Even when I haven't been doing much, I am so tired! Last Sunday I took a 2 hour nap (I had only been awake for probably 2 hours), and then I got up a took a shower. After my shower I felt as though I could go back to sleep for another 2 hours easily. You can bet that my housekeeping has been severely lacking because, by the time I get home from work, I don't have any more motivation. I look around my house and have such big ideas for baby's room and then I think, "well, we still have a few more months to worry about that..." I'm just waiting for the nesting phase to kick in so my house can get a complete overhaul! That will be great! I have been nauseous. I have spent some quality time in the bathroom, but I was so proud of myself because, until about a week ago, I had beat the toilet and I hadn't thrown up. I'm really stubborn when it comes to throwing up. Then, as I was walking out to my car for work one morning, it came over me faster than I could stop it, and I threw up right there, outside my house. Lovely. Talk about emotional! I was watching the news and a story came up about a guy who goes all over the world and videotapes himself doing this really goofy dance, then he posts them on youtube. After he started getting well-known on the internet, he started getting a bunch of people from all over the world to join him in doing this silly dance on his videos. He now has millions of hits....... Yup, that was the entire story. Nothing earth shattering. No acts of heroism or bravery. Nothing sad happened. But....this pregnant girl was crying uncontrollably because it was such a "nice story" and the guy seemed so "nice". This is just one example of the teary moments I have had in the past few weeks. But, my sweet Jon is so patient with me. Mainly, I have just been feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. I had come to the conclusion that Jon and I weren't going to have children of our own...or that it was going to take a long and drawn out process filled with doctor's offices and tons of money to get us there. And here we are, naturally having our very own little Grubb. We aren't having to take any hormone supplements or any special medicines, this baby just came to us and is growing exactly how it should be all on it's own. I love feeling sick and exhausted and emotional and achy because all of those feelings mean that I am - at long last - having a baby!!! It is so hard, but so worth it to be able to turn things over to Heavenly Father and let Him take care of it. It's not something you can just say that you are going to do (or I would have done it a long time ago) it requires extra faith and patience - and it's hard to get to that place. But Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us and when we just let Him handle things, everything works out better than we could have hoped for! I feel like Jon and I have gotten so much closer since we have gone through not knowing if we could have children. He was so supportive and loving no matter what. I know that, while there is still a lot to worry about financially (people say, "oh, Jon must be rolling in the dough now that he is an attorney" - well folks, he is on the bottom of the food chain as he starts out, so we still have to pinch pennies) we are in a better financial position than we have been our entire married lives. Jon had just taken a job at the county only a few months before we found out, and it was a hard move for him, for a lot of reasons - but we decided that it was really important to have benefits, though we didn't know why (we hadn't used insurance in years!). Things have also worked out for us to have a house in a great area this past year. We have been so blessed with things just lining up for us, and we weren't sure why. Now we know that Heavenly Father was just getting things ready for this sweet little spirit He was going to send us. I am just so happy!!!!